Relationship is a mirror – J Krishnamurti


J Krishnamurti

Relationship Is a Mirror

only in relationship
the process of
what I am
does it not?

Relationship is a mirror
in which
I see myself as I am;
but as most of us
do not like
what we are,
we begin to discipline,
either positively or negatively,
what we perceive
in the mirror of relationship.

That is,
I discover something in relationship,
in the action of relationship,
and I do not like it.
So, I begin to modify
what I do not like,
what I perceive
as being unpleasant.

I want to change it;
which means
I already have a pattern
of what I should be.
The moment there is a pattern
of what I should be,
there is no comprehension of
what I am.

The moment I have a picture of
what I want to be,
or what I should be,
or what I ought not to be,
a standard
according to which
I want to change myself;
then, surely,
there is no comprehension of
what I am
at the moment of relationship.

I think
it is really important
to understand this,
for I think
this is where most of us
go astray.

We do not want to know
what we actually are
at a given moment
in relationship.

If we are concerned
merely with self-improvement,
there is no comprehension of
of what is.

The Energy of Synergy in a TEAM


TEAM = Together Everyone Achieves More

I was on a leisure walk this morning at our apartment complex with my son Samyak. We went near the basketball court and saw two teams playing a practice game. Most of the players were under 15 and they were totally focused on winning the match and defeating the opponent team. It was fascinating to see these kids trying to single-handedly run to the other side of the court and dunk the ball in the basket and score a point. The Coach was continuously screaming and shouting the key words – “pass the ball and move in” to remind them to work as a team and take the ball to the opposite side for scoring.

Most players ignored his game plan and continued to play in their own style to get individual glory and score a point. As an outsider watching this game in a non-judgmental way, it was obvious to me that both teams weren’t getting results that they desperately wanted.

The quest for personal achievement and working as a lone warrior is the major cause of a team’s ineffectiveness. Focusing on individual goals will alienate the team members from the team goal.  Right from our birth until we finish our professional education, the focus is on ‘competing with others’, not ‘completing each other’. After we get into the corporate or business world, all of us need to go through the process of unlearning and that’s an onerous journey!

Image                                                                               Image

I wish there was a deliberate effort by educational institutions to inculcate the philosophy team work in schools, colleges and professional courses. Understanding the power of synergy that comes from leveraging individual strengths is phenomenal. Practicing this understanding is the key to success when we work as a team.

When we are working as a team towards a common purpose, let’s remind ourselves to be focused on our team goal and leverage the energy of synergy!

PS : I acknowledge the pictures from the internet.

Area Of Control and Area Beyond Control



Suffering arises from trying to control what is uncontrollable, or from neglecting what is within our power. ~ Epictetus

When we feel we are not in control of our life, we feel stuck and don’t take action towards our goals. In these rough times it’s crucial to remind us of our locus of control and continue to work on areas that we have control and act persistently. There are several philosophers who have extolled the concept of ‘locus of control’. In my view, Dr.Stephen Covey summarized it very well by coining phrases – ‘Circle of Control and Circle of Influence’.

The simplest version I have used in Coaching or Training sessions is AOC and ABC.

AOC = Area Of Control

ABC = Area Beyond Control

 Let’s take an example how it applies to me as a facilitator before or after conducting a training session.

Area Of Control – that I can do something and deliver my best performance.

  • Preparation and rehearsal
  • Enthusiasm while speaking
  • Quality of the presentation material
  • Knowing audience’s needs through surveys/assessments

Area Beyond Control – that I have no direct control on.

  • Audience’s interest level
  • Audience level of understanding
  • Participants liking my talk
  • Praising comments from the participants

Once I know what’s in my control , it brings me a sense of peace and an unwavering focus on those areas. I don’t have to derail myself by worrying about things that are out of my control.  This idea has worked for me umpteen times!  It will work for you as well… and trying this technique is in your AOC 🙂 That’s the exciting part.

So the next time around, when you sense discomfort about any area of your life. Please remember AOC and ABC – and remember to remember that you just need to focus on AOC – areas that you control and take some action!

 PS : I acknowledge the pictures from the internet.


Calm Sutra : 60 Seconds to relax our brains


Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom. ~ James Allen

In this era of information overload, it is critical to be in a resourceful state of mind to take quality decisions and take inspire action towards our goals.

According the experiments carried out by the renowned neuroscience researcher Mark Waldman, deep yawning is one of the best and the fastest ways to relax our brain and center ourselves in 60 seconds.

I know yawning in public is not welcomed in our society. It’s a sign of tiredness and indifference in social interactions. So please keep the logic aside for a minute and try this exercise. Let us remind ourselves a witty quote by Richard Bandler on personal change, “Analysis may help, but application rewards”. So find a place where you are all alone and try this exercise 🙂

Close your eyes and pretend that you are yawning deeply. Keep yawning artificially until you start getting the natural and deep ones. In my experience, for every 3rd or 4th artificial yawn – I have experience a deep, natural and relaxing yawn. When your eyes become watery, that’s when you know they are natural and relaxing.


In 60 seconds duration, you can experience 12-16 yawns. Open your eyes after 60 seconds; you will feel more calmness, tranquility and mindfulness in you.

I have tried this exercise in the following instances and have experienced astounding results.

  • Before and after long-distance runs (10K and 21KM)
  • Before and after long conference calls
  • Before delivering presentations and trainings
  • Before 1:1 Coaching sessions with clients
  • Before any conversation that requires me to be centered and relaxed
  • Emptying the mind after a long day at work and playing with my 2-year young son Samyak J
  • And many more…


For more information about Mark Waldman and his teachings, please visit

 PS: I acknowledge the pictures from the internet. Thanks to Google image search!


Mind Mining


I read about this idea in the book “Lead the Field” written by Earl Nightingale. Similar ideas are promoted by other authors who have written books on Goals. I fondly call this idea as “Mind Mining” process.

It’s a very simple and yet powerful process. Take a sheet of paper and write your goal on top of the sheet. After that, start writing 20 different things you can do to accomplish your goal. Don’t evaluate your ideas and question the realism of implementing; keep writing them as they flash in your mind.

Interestingly the first few items you write will be very simple and may not give you great breakthroughs. But once you write 10 items on the paper, you suddenly feel emptiness in your mind as if there is no more ways you can list. This is the beginning of series “aha” moments; please continue to write additional ideas until you reach the magic number 20.When you finish writing, go through the list and review your thoughts. Some of the ideas you wrote may surprise you because you may have never thought in those lines.You will also feel great calmness and peace in your mind after this activity.

I used this exercise on my goal “How to post useful blog articles?”. The 13th idea I wrote on the list was “write short and simple articles on practical ideas that people can leverage and get results”. This was a brilliant insight for me. The goal of my articles is to help others, not to showcase my smartness 🙂

There are two critical factors you must consider to make this a fruitful exercise.

  1. You must write these 20 ideas on a sheet of paper. No shortcut please J There is magic in writing because we cannot think of other distracting thoughts while writing. Our minds can only hold one thought at a time.
  2. Once you finish writing the list, make a choice, choose an action and act on that idea!


Let’s remember David Schwartz’s formula for success – action cures fear and inaction breeds terror.

PS: I acknowledge the pictures from the internet.

4 Key questions to clarify your goals


When we start setting goals, it’s of pivotal importance to clarify the goals to ensure they are our goals and they drive us emotionally to take decisive actions. We must understand how our goal fits in our life puzzle and how they affect other areas of our life.

The following 4 key questions help us get absolute clarify on our goals. These questions originally come from the field of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and they are called Meta Model questions. The goal of these questions is to elicit more information from the person setting goals and transcend awareness.

So go ahead, take a sheet of paper and write answers to these 4 questions. Please write down as many answers as you can for each question.We are focusing on quantity, not on quality of answers. If you are stuck with 1 or 2 answers – simply ask “what else? / what more?” until you run out of further answers. Yes, you got it right. You are mining your mind 🙂  so keep digging.

Question1: What will happen when you achieve your goal?

This question will orient your thoughts on all the good things that you will experience after achieving your goal.

Question2: What WILL NOT happen when you achieve your goal?

This question will make you think about two dimensions: Areas of your life that won’t change and current issues that will no longer trouble you once you achieve your goal.

Question3: What will happen when you don’t achieve your goal?

Here you will list the consequences of not achieving your goal. While you answer this question, you will get more awareness of your personal choices and outcomes related to your goal.

Question#4: What will NOT happen when you don’t achieve your goal?

Answers for this question will focused on things that will not change in your life even if the goal is not accomplished. The current pain might continue to pester you and life won’t change for the better.

    Image    Clarity brings sense of urgency to our goals! Go for it!